I Broke My Promise, Sue Me!

Wed. Jan. 13, 2010

My life is a total wreck. Nothing I said I was going to do, was done, didn't even measure or weigh myself. Frankly, I'm scared.

Let me just say that part of the reason I wasn't able to get back on to blog about my "life style" change is due to the fact that I'm currently sharing my dad's lap top with my sister, because right after my lap top power cord took a fat shit on me, my sister's indestructable Mac Book lap top's hard drive took a fat shit on her.

Isn't life fabulous?

I'm really in a bad place in my life to be changing my diet & body. I am  BROKE! w/ a capital B! Not only am I looking for a job, business is slowing down because of all the New Year's resolutions to lose weight and get fit, my dad tells me he is moving to the Philippines soon, so here I am shitting brickings trying to figure it all out. How am I possibly going to be able to pay for all the bills (with no help from my sister, I'm sure) for the house & take care of myself with out a job?

Last week was a good start for my diet. I had really good goals, started working out by power walking at the beach & I even did weights and ate more vegetables. But what am I to do? I really started to get nervous when my dad told me he was leaving. Nothing seems to be with in my control. For the first time in my life I am really scared and there isn't anything to comfort me, except food. So, of course I turn to my first love, food, and start eating.

This is really hard. I'm still greiving the death of my mother and I still think about her every day. Not having my mom makes everything harder. Even when we were mad at each other, it was comforting to know she was always there. Food was something that my mom & I bonded over. It is what brought both of us happiness, but inevitably it killed her.  And that really is the reason why I should lose weight. I want to be around to enjoy life and experience all that I can. I want to get married one day & have kids, although, it may never happen, I feel that losing weight will make it easier and bring me a few step closers to making it a reality.

This really sucks. I'm in the worst spot of my life. I'm technically unemployed even though I have a food business. I have very little money in the bank, my car is going to need a lot of work done on it soon,  can't even pay my cell phone, my student loan payments start next month, I'm single & over weight and I'm too broke to even resume my gym membership.

There is a couple of positive things...but we'll see how that goes. I've had an interview with a pretty big insurance company, you see ads for them all the time & just about everyone has a membership with them. The job will be in Santa Barbara as a travel agent coordinator of some sort. I think it will be a great job for me, although I don't like the commute, at least the commute to Santa Barbara is beautiful because on one side is the beach and the other is the mountains. The other thing is, I had an interview with a car dealership in Thousand Oaks, the opposite direction of Santa Barbara, yes, but it is a much shorter commute, I'd be closer to home, but its only part time and I KNOW it will pay a lot less than the other job. They are both benefited jobs as long as I work over 32 hours at the dealership.

Although, I liked working at a car dealership in the past and it was fun, I feel like I'm going back wards. I really need a job and I'll take any job thats offered to me. The strange thing about this situation is the SB job will not be deciding on a person for hire until the big boss lady comes back from her vacation in Brazil, which she left for this week, and won't be back for three weeks. SO, that means no on will be hired until the first week of February at least, and I am NOT guaranteed the job, even though my interviewer seemed to like me, and my friend said she LOVED me.

The dealership said they had more interviews this week & part of next week and would call me next week if they decided they needed to have a 2nd interview with me or would just hire me. They seemed to like me too. I interviewed with the office manager & with the sales manager. We seemed to all be on the same page, there were lots of smiles & laughs and all the car business inuendos were understood.

Not that I am assuming the job with the dealership is mine, but what would I possibly do if they offered the job to me and I hadn't yet heard back from the lady in Santa Barbara?

This is too much stress.

My goal is just to make it through the week, apply for as many jobs as I am qualified for, take care of the house, work out when I can, eat as healthy as I possibly can, I will stop kicking myself if I don't & I will keep this online journal of my thoughts. Thats all that I can do for now.

Signing out.

Wed. Jan. 6, 2010

Damn. I'm a bad girl!

I didn't put in an entry...so sue me! I was busy.

I do remember what I ate. Oh, and I worked out...at the beach for 2 hours & did weight lifting. I even showed the two older ladies that I'm related to how to do weight exercises and they are in their 60s!

Yesterday's Breakfast: toasted bagel, light smear of cream cheese, coffee & apple.

Lunch: 1/3 of a chicken burrito w/ salsa & 1 cup of arroz caldo

Snack: apple

Dinner: 2/3 of a chicken burrito 3 inches of a left over subway sub

Dude...I suck at diets. But guess what, it gets worse.

Today's breakfast: toasted bagel, 2 egg whites, ham pieces, coffee

Lunch: stewed chicken w/ cyote, zucchini, tomatoe and mushroom with steamed white rice. YUM!

Dinner: Toooooo many lumpias  ( masaraplumpia.blogspot.com) to count, 1 cup of rice

Snack: 1 orange & half of a yogurt

Snack 2: 1cup of ice cream

This was clearly PMS. I'm not saying I am not responsible, but this is the real cause for my maniac appetite today. But don't worry, I will ammend my behavior tomorrow.

I plan to keep myself busy tomorrow. Here is my game plan, hopefully this will distrat me from my ferocious hunger:

* Signing up for classes at the local community college
* Going to the bank to open a new account
* Beach for a good & long work out
* Grocery shopping
* Paint the hall way
* Set up my etsy store,  ( exotiqeyez.etsy.com)

And if this doesn't distract me, I don't know what will.

Oh, but I did think of something BRILLIANT!

I was going to reinstate my membership with my gym (24 hr Fitness), but they want to charge me $24.99/mo, which is $8 more than what I used to pay), I don't want to pay that. I may sound cheap but times are bad and this girl is broke...broke with a CAPITAL B! So, I figured out a great way to avoid paying for a gym membership & make sure I go to the gym more consistently....I'm enrolling in a Lifetime Fitness class at the community college. Not only do I not have to pay for my membership, but I will be graded based on my attendence, and since I am a perfectionist when it comes to grades, I will definitely be going and getting my work out on.

I've never had a problem working out. I can work out consistenly every week sticking to a designated 4-5 or even 5-6 times a week, but my problem is food. So, well see how this goes.

Oh, and I do remember that I didn't do the whole weighing and measuring myself just yet. I didn't forget. I just don't have a working scale. This might be good because it may only depress me.

I'll report back tomorrow! (or the day after)

Wish me luck!

Monday, January 4, 2010

I woke up today later than planned (around 9:30am) from some very crazy and interesting dreams. Remembering that I am supposed to change my diet and habits made my whole body hurt but I
proceeded to go to to the kitchen.

Coffee is essential for me in the morning, so as fast as I could fixed me a pot o' coffee. With the fridgerator door wide open, I looked in, only to discover that there were no eggs. Temporarily, my world was crushed. Eggs are my favorite thing to eat for breakfast. I thought about having cereal but alas, there was no more of my favorite, Honey Bunches O'Oats. Damn.

Suddenly, a light bulb turned on...there are everything bagels in the freezer for such emergencies like this. Popped a bagel into the micro for a fast zap then cut it for a slight bronzing in the Hello Kitty toaster my sister bought. I dug out the cream cheese from the bottom drawer and smeared it onto my bagel. The aroma was overwhelming.

I poured myself a big cup of coffee and mixed my morning energy drink with Splenda & some half and half. Plopped myself down at the dining room table and had my breafast. It was SO good. I thought to myself, "Man, am I going to miss this!". The bagel tasted even better.

To keep myself busy and on the right track, I decided to do some gardening and tend to the orchids in my front and back yard. After some work in the front yard I decided to make a delicious stir fry with chicken, celery, zucchini and mushrooms w/ a terriaki sauce and steamed white rice.

Lunch: 1  1/2 cups of rice & 1 1/2 cups of stir-fry. Needless to say, lunch was great!

The orchids in the backyard were calling to me. So, I watered the orchids with orchid vitamin and decided to clean up the side yard. The orchids also needed some grooming so I pulled dead leaves and cut the parts that were dying and swept up all the trimmings. I was sweating by the time I was done. Gardening is so much harder than I thought, but it was such good exercise.

Dinner: half cup of steamed white rice, cup of stir fry veggies and a bowl of cereal.

I did have cravings and wanted more food. I reminded myself that the goal is to get fit & healthy. Though the cravings made me a little crazy I found something to distract myself by watching the new Bachelor. But that wasn't distraction enough so I decided to sew a new bag that I had been planning on doing for the last few days.

Settled in my bed, I wanted to jot down what I had to eat today and my daily activity. I need to keep good habits and getting this on my blog is a way to do that.

Tired of Being Fat, Literally.

I am tired of being fat!

I tired of being tired. Being fat makes you tired. I no longer want to be fat or tired.

Living is so much more than eating, although eating is pretty damn good. But I soothed & comforted myself far too long with food. It is about time that I learn to manage my feelings and my life with out using food.

Life has its ups and downs, that is all to be expected, but no one should use food in a way that abuses the body it enters.

In order to stop the abuse, I think I have to educate myself more on food and the human body. This is a big task, even bigger than I think it is. But I'm sure I'll learn a lot & I plan to share my knowledge.

Health is not just about being physically fit, it is about being mentally, emotionally, socially & environmentally aware & balanced. Just because someone is physically fit, does not mean that the rest of their life is in perfect running order. For longevity all these parts of life need to be taken care of as well.

Here is my plan:

1. Start an online & paper journal, where I jot down my thoughts, and the food I eat daily, being as honest as possible.

2. Step on a scale & measure my weight, then step off the scale and measure myself (bust, waist, hips, butt, arms,wrists, thighs, legs, ankles in inches. If possible I will try to get a BMI number so I know what my body fat versus muscle measurement is. Measuring & weighing will be done weekly.

3. Choosing a life style change (instead of a "diet") that best fits my life, which I think will be the South Beach Diet or something very similar. Here is what I found: http://www.southbeach-diet-plan.com/how.html

[South Beach Diet Phase 1
South Beach Diet Phase 1 lasts for two weeks. During this first phase, you will eat normal meals of chicken, beef, turkey, fish, and shellfish, lots of vegetables, eggs, cheese, nuts, and garden salads using 100% olive oil for your salad dressing. Each day for 14 days, you will eat three, well-balanced meals. While eating until your hunger is satisfied may go against most diets, with the South Beach Diet, it is part of the plan.



Trying to lose weight and become healthy by depriving the body of food makes no sense. In addition to the three meals each day, you will also eat a snack between breakfast and lunch, and then again between lunch and dinner. Even if you do not feel like eating these snacks, for the South Beach Diet to work, you need to, and after dinner, you will even have dessert. Additionally, during this phase, you can drink all the coffee and tea you want and be sure to drink lots of water.

You may be thinking that this is a lot of food - it is! With most diets, you deprive your body, eating only small portions of foods that are unappealing. The change you will make during this phase is that you will cut out all bread, rice, potatoes, pasta, baked goods, fruit, candy, cake, cookies, ice cream, or sugar. Keep in mind that these eliminated foods will be added back into your diet, starting in Phase 2. In addition to taking these foods out of your diet temporarily, you will also need to avoid beer, or any kind of alcohol. Once you start Phase 2, reasonable amounts of wine can be added back in.


Instead of feeling overwhelmed about the foods that will be taken out of your diet during the first two weeks, stop and think about this for a minute. To achieve a life of health and lose unwanted weight, two weeks is a small investment to make. After all, you are worth it! The first two or three days will be somewhat challenging, but breaking any bad habit starts out a little bumpy. Once you pass this small hurdle, the rest of the time will go by quicker than you think. When you see the results that these changes bring, you will be glad you did not give up!


South Beach Diet Phase 2
South Beach Diet Phase 2 is different from the first in that it will last as long as it takes you to lose your desired weight. This phase will last different lengths of time depending on each individual person, how well they follow the diet, and how their body reacts.



Do not forget that by the time you start this phase, you will already be 8 to 13 pounds lighter! Other changes you will notice when starting Phase 2 is that your outlook on eating will be changed. During the past two weeks, the way in which your body was reacting to foods making you overweight was corrected. Those old, nagging cravings have been squelched and the bad eating habits of the past are gone.

The secret is not that you are eating less food, but eating fewer foods that start cravings and store excessive fat. Once the first phase ends, the weight will continue to come off by staying on the plan. Some of the indulgences you took out of your diet during Phase 1 will be added back in, but less often. When you want a piece of chocolate cake, you can have one, just not every night. If hot garlic bread sounds good, you can have this too, but not as often and with less enthusiasm.


As you go through phase 2, your weight loss will not be as dramatic, but it will be consistent. On average, you can expect to lose from one to two pounds. While these numbers are lower than what you achieved in the first phase, losing slowly is healthier and you will keep the weight off.



South Beach Diet Phase 3
Phase 3 begins when you have hit your target weight. To help you maintain your new weight, you will be able to enjoy options that are more liberal. Once you get to this phase, you will stay there for the rest of your life. After completing Phase 1 and 2, this phase will feel like normal eating to you. Now you are eating differently – for life! If your weight starts creeping back up, modify the foods you are eating and the amounts.



Along with losing extra weight and changing the way your body responds to food, your blood chemistry is also changing, improving your cardiovascular system. With heart disease being a leading cause of death where the only symptom of heart attack is often death, improving your cardiovascular system will add quality years to your life. Although you may have started the South Beach Diet as a way to lose weight, when finished, you will see that you achieved so much more! ]


4. Becoming active. I will work out, either in a gym, outside in nature or in doors. This will include cardio to strengthen my heart & weight lifting to build muscle & burn fat stored in my body.

5. Taking vitamins. Everyday I will take a multi-vitamin.

6. Hydration. I will hydrate my body by drinking water regularly, even when I don't feel "thirsty". I heard that one should NOT wait for thirst in order to hydrate, by the time you feel thirst, you are already considered dehydrated.


This is my game plan for 2010. My next entry should be about the process of weighing and measuring myself & my goal weight.